I woke up one recent morning and felt some anxiety about the class I’d be teaching that night. Suddenly I felt a song from within the Earth pouring out towards my heart.
You don’t understand.
I’ve been hustling for this for like three years now. Back then I learned that my connection to the Earth needed major improvement due to a plethora of abuses I’d committed in previous lifetimes and it was being reflected in various areas of my life. Thing is, those difficult conditions, were all I’d ever known. My earth (ground and context) was defined by a lack of Earth, which is very fucked up for a Taurus. As I received dreams of those past lives some nights, my spirit eager to resolve my relationship to the land, I felt overwhelmed and unable to transform anything so big, abstract, and defining.
So I did the most powerful spell in the world and now the Earth and I are tight 4eva. #blessed
Nah. I worked my ass off.
I cried a lot, gave requested offerings, writhed in pain as I experienced abuses the Earth endured long before we were created, spent dozens of collective hours clearing hella ancient past life drama, crossed over dead people, gave more requested offerings, did a veritable shit ton of shadow work, got dragged on a month-long cosmic roadtrip of extraterrestrial proportions across the Northeast, cried some more, made power objects I was told to make, gave more requested offerings, befriended strange helping spirits with green faces and trees for teeth, cried some more, and sometimes felt suicidal, feeling victimized on a cosmic level.
Perhaps most, I made the choice to open my broken heart again and again and again and choose to try to be intimate with this nebulous energy, our planet, that as a Westerner I’ve been purposefully abstracted from so I can unconsciously participate in ze’s exploitation.
I sang. A lot. This video is me singing a song of offering to the Earth a few months ago when Zen took me to Bernal Heights Park in San Francisco to pray. I shared some of my journey with her and how powerful this view on this hill was in light of it. This Being we call Earth is much bigger than I am, seemingly impersonal, and yet I am fed, clothed, nourished, nurtured, and kept in awe because of ze. Like many Beings, ze’s been royally fucked over (by forces I won’t describe here). Like all Beings, ze dreams, desires, and has goals for ze's Self.
As we move forward into new eras, may we know ze's body as our own. May we explore and consider a history that begins long, long before us and yet includes many of us in starring roles. May we come to know, viscerally, that energy is neither created nor destroyed - only transformed - and that we are all here, in this cosmic drama, together. Until the end.
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